You’re Not Stuck. You’re Avoiding a Specific Step

“I feel stuck” is one of those phrases that sounds accurate, but isn’t always precise.

It shows up when something isn’t moving, when you’ve been in the same spot longer than you want to be, or when you keep thinking about something without actually doing anything about it. And the feeling itself is real. It can feel frustrating, heavy, and sometimes even confusing.

But most of the time, what people are calling “stuck” is not a lack of options.

It’s avoidance of a very specific step.

What’s actually happening

When you slow the situation down, there is usually something you could do that would move things forward. It might not solve the entire problem, and it might not feel good, but there is typically a next step available.

The problem is that the step is uncomfortable.

So instead of engaging with that step, your brain zooms out. You start thinking about the entire situation, all the variables, all the possible outcomes. You try to find the “right” way to handle it before doing anything at all.

And the more you zoom out, the more overwhelming it feels.

Now you’re not just dealing with one step. You’re dealing with everything at once. That’s where the feeling of being stuck comes from.

Not from having no options, but from not engaging with the one that’s right in front of you.

Why this happens

Avoiding a specific step makes sense when you look at what that step usually involves.

It might mean having a direct conversation you’ve been putting off. It might mean making a decision without full certainty. It might mean risking a reaction, tolerating discomfort, or accepting an outcome you don’t fully like.

Those are not small things.

So instead of naming that directly, it turns into something more vague. “I don’t know what to do.” “I feel stuck.” “I just need more time to think about it.”

That feels more manageable in the moment.

But it also keeps you in the exact same place.

What this looks like in real life

You feel stuck in a relationship, but the step is having a conversation you’ve been avoiding because you don’t know how it will land.

You feel stuck in your routine, but the step is changing one small part of your day instead of trying to fix everything at once.

You feel stuck at work, but the step is sending the email, asking the question, or making the decision you’ve been delaying.

You feel stuck in your own head, but the step is actually acting on something instead of continuing to think about it.

In all of these situations, the next step exists.

It’s just not comfortable.

The shift

The shift is not to figure out the entire solution.

It’s to identify the specific step you’ve been avoiding and bring it back down to something you can actually act on.

Instead of asking, “why am I stuck,” try asking, “what is the next step I already know I could take, but don’t want to?”

That question is more direct.

It’s also more useful.

Because once you name the step, you have something to work with. You can make it smaller, adjust how you approach it, or decide when you’re going to do it.

But you’re no longer stuck in something vague.

You’re looking at something specific.

In-the-moment application

If you notice yourself feeling stuck, pause and bring it down one level.

Instead of thinking about the entire situation, focus on the next move.

What is one thing that would move this forward, even slightly?

If that step feels too big, make it smaller.

If it feels unclear, define it more specifically.

If it feels uncomfortable, name what part of it you’re trying to avoid.

You don’t need to solve everything.

You need to stop avoiding the first move.

Try this

Take one situation that currently feels stuck and map it out.

What feels stuck right now?

What have you been telling yourself about why it’s stuck?

What is one specific step that would move this forward?

What about that step feels uncomfortable?

What is a smaller or simpler version of that step?

T Chart: Stuck vs Step

On the left, write what feels stuck. On the right, write the specific step you’ve been avoiding.

“I don’t know what to say” → Draft one sentence
“I feel disconnected” → Initiate one conversation
“I can’t get started” → Work for ten minutes
“I don’t know what to do next” → Choose one option and act on it

Now your turn:

Stuck: _________________________ → Step: _________________________
Stuck: _________________________ → Step: _________________________
Stuck: _________________________ → Step: _________________________

Final thought

You’re not stuck.

You’re avoiding a step that would move things forward.

And once you take it, even imperfectly, you’re not in the same place anymore.